ngasalaja Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Child custody A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied... "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
ngasalaja Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 The Swimmer Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
Terroryst Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Are most of these jokes sex jokes. Lol.
drax13 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Report Posted January 2, 2008 Did you not just read what I wrote? I said 1 joke 2 is pushing it. If anyone writes more then 2 jokes I won't read them. SO CHOOSE YOUR JOKE CAREFULLY Although I liked the swimmer joke ;D
ngasalaja Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 you got it. i already selected 2 jokes. ^^
Arcane Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 You're not Your. Your is when you're in possession of something e.g: This is your ball. You're is the abbreviation of You Are eg: You're a slob or You're retarded. Just a comment towards the contenders: Your jokes are long as hell I don't think they're worth laughing at. Nice one damascus
Sapphirel Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Okay, I'll just post one more for the lulz ;D There once was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive, who ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed. So she put an Ad in the paper, that was asking for a man who: 1) would treat her nicely 2) wouldn't run away from her, 3) would be good in bed. Three weeks passed, and there was no reply from any man. So she just figured that there wasn't a man alive who could live up to these expectations, so she just gave up. But then, one day she heard the doorbell rang. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. The man said "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you." The woman replied, "Yes, but are you good in bed?" And the man said with a smirk on his face, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
phantomspirit Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 I'm better than any players. ... what? :ph34r:
Arcane Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 What about my joke on your grammar? Lolz. xD Yeah, to be honest Damscus' joke caught my attention. @Damascus Do you really need that Dex belt? or are you just gonna sell it?
sarduarkar Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Ok, one more from me: A guy relaxing at the beach is approached by 3 beautiful girls. The first one says, "You look like you need a hug. Have you ever been hugged before?" The guy is a little puzzled by the question, but decides to answer no. Before he knows it, the first girl hugs him. The second girl moves in a little closer and asks, "Have you ever been kissed before?" After what happen with the first question, he again answers no. And surely enough, the second girl leans over and gives him a light kiss on the lips. The last girl crawls up to his ear and whispers, "Have you ever been f*cked before?" And the guy replies, "Definitely not!" Then the last girl says, "Well, you are now. There's a tidal wave coming!"
meowwoofington Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Just goes to show how differently men and women look at things... HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. HIS DIARY Today the Chargers lost. At least I got laid.
Anarii Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Why does Beyonce sing to the left? Because black people have no rights lololol
Terroryst Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Why does Beyonce sing to the left? Because black people have no rights lololol Lol,that's just fcked up.
Damascus Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Why does Beyonce sing to the left? Because black people have no rights lololol Now that one is funny as hell.
Damascus Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 Lolz. xD Yeah, to be honest Damscus' joke caught my attention. @Damascus Do you really need that Dex belt? or are you just gonna sell it? I was planning on rubbing it on all of your faces then selling it to an NPC or giving it to a random noob that has no use of it. CAAAAAAAAAAP double post. +1 on me.
Defiance. Posted January 2, 2008 Report Posted January 2, 2008 That noob would be me thank you very much :D
Arcane Posted January 3, 2008 Report Posted January 3, 2008 @damascus lol. So you really don't need it.
Amitsu Posted January 3, 2008 Report Posted January 3, 2008 gm when i log in u change my password and when i change my password i log in 1 time and it says some one log on thin ID and then when i log in again it says incorrect password my username/loginname is quincy009 i know GM u change my pass give it back WHATTHE HELL IS wrong WITH you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im GOD DAMN HELL MAD AT YOU give it back or els sirouis this case will be go to COURT im FREEKING MAD GM i will give u until January 4 TO GIVE MY PASS back im serouis GM`s dont make me veryvery mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EMAIL MY PASS AT [email protected] this is my ultimate joke
Amalgamation Posted January 3, 2008 Report Posted January 3, 2008 Does staring make you uncomfortable? Well, your hand on my crotch isn't helping.
