omg my stepmom used to give me such bad anxiety i hate her.
MY LIFE STORY for anyone who is curious
IT'S REALLY FUCKING LONG no one's gonna read it w/e I needed to let it out
My stepmom raised me and she was such a nasty, snobby whore. It was honestly like Cindarella. I wasn't allowed to watch TV, go on playdates, listen to the radio in the car, etc. I had a strict homework regime. Always in bed on time. Horseback riding, Irish Dance, Ballet, Drama, etc. It was MISERABLE. She picked my outfits. No junk food. She was nasty too. Really judgemental and horrifying. She used to make me sit at the dinner table every night until I finished everything off my plate. She would watch me. On rare occasions she'd get another glass of wine and my dad would steal some or I'd give some to my dog. Sometimes I'd literally sit there for hours without being able to leave until I was done, if I ate in the living room they'd sit and watch a movie and I'd have to sit at the table staring at the food. and I always hated meat even when I was little, I'm a vegetarian now, and I swear she'd make it all of the time and undercook it to see me cringe. She'd make me eat the skin off of fishhh ewwww. and sometimes she would put a dessert in front of me to tease me!!! can you believe that. I remember when I was really little she'd give me baths and be really rough... like REALLY rough. I swear she liked to hurt me. and also I wasn't allowed to play around anyone. They had my playroom in the basement, it had a rug and some toys but barely any light and it was cold and there were centipedes down there and those things scare me. She'd also give me homework assignments and like 10 books to read so all summer I was either at some educational summer program or doing work. Every weekend she would make me pull weeds from our yard, it was HUGE, and the bugs used to scare me because I was like 7. I could never do anything right either, she would pinch me and tell me to do it better and I hated not being able to make her happy because I was a child and didn't realise how fucked up she was. My anxiety as a child was extremely high. I haven't felt anxiety like that ever since. My dad would always lie and say he had to go to the hardware store or something like that just so we could get away from her lol. My dad never stuck up for me because he has NO BALLS.
Every night I'd pray that they would get divorced and they finally did when I was 12, it was honestly so freeing... she cheated on my dad with some Muslim guy and now they're married. I tried to forgive her for doing that to my dad and I would see her once a week for like 2 years but I really despised her at that point and just haven't talked to her since. It's been like four years and I don't miss her, sadly. She still tries to get me to talk to her and sends me Tiffany's necklaces but sorry bitch, I'm not materialistic like you and necklace's can't win me back. She did raise me and I give her so much credit but if you knew what my life was like you'd understand.
But on the other hand the divorce sucked because I barely knew my dad beforehand so it was like living with a stranger. He had no idea how to raise a kid and was too involved with his own shit to care about me. Going from a completely scheduled life to no structure at all. I had to learn how to cook, do laundry, even just dress myself. I had to teach myself how to do everything overnight.... which was good I think. I learned. But what really sucked is that I have a lot of problems with my dad, stuff I don't really want to talk about, big trust issues based on things that happened when I was very very little. So I didn't feel comfortable. He's a womanizer. He's brought over hundreds of women, I swear. It really disgusts me but I try to tell myself that not all guys are like that xD Anyway, now that I'm older, he gives me money to keep me happy and I stay out of his life and he stays out of mine. It works out. I appreciate him for giving me such a good life material-wise, but emotionally he's never there. He doesn't give a shit. I remember I came home with a black eye and I told him that a guy punched me in the face and he told me to be careful because he paid a lot to have my teeth straightened with braces and he doesn't want them getting knocked out. YEP. I don't like him all too much but I think he tries. He's not a good father figure, he doesn't give me any guidance or protection but he could be SOOO much worse so
My mom on the other hand has been through a lot of shit, she was very poor first coming here. We used to share a mattress in the projects with cockroaches everywhere and our Christmas presents were from local churches and all food was donated to us. But she worked so hard. She busted her ass. She used to go to work and I remember being very very little left at home alone because she couldnt afford someone to look after me and she was here all alone, my brother and sister were in school, and I would lie on the mattress and hug this one pink sweater because it smelled like her until she got home LOL how sad but she always got us everything we needed, she even saved up and got us a computer that was really expensive at the time because they were pretty new, idk. she did everything she could for us. I swear her heart is completely pure... she's a saint to me. I can tell her anything, she never judges her kids, always there for anything we need, would give the clothing off of her back.. people say that about their parents but you haven't met my mom. I'm just really grateful for every day I have her in my life and I'm so happy that she's healthy again and has her life together ^.^
My life has had hard times like everyone else's but when it comes down to it I love my life! I have great friends and my mom is the best. I love my siblings and I like looking at the past and thinking about what I've overcome makes me feel strong~
