A Rant From My Facebook Notes: How To Rite Reel Gud

[Kakakelvin]

Beware all ye who enter U of BC:

So here I am at the conclusion of my first year in what seems to be the bowels of academia. As I look through the strange mix of linear algebra, financial math and multi-variable calculus that sits before me, I suddenly come to realize that the last time I had the opportunity to write in an openly verbose and seemingly “academic” fashion was before I had donned that strange graduation garb almost one full year ago. Somehow, I miss the exercise (ironic since I once wrote an essay criticizing verbosity and lauding clear communication as the one and only legitimate purpose for written language). Even looking back on what I have just written, it is clear that I am overcompensating for the lack of academic snobbishness in the work that has recently crossed my desk; there are two sentences each spanning more than three lines right after one another; clearly they serve no other purpose than to sound intelligent and lack any value-added as far as meaning or clarity and, in fact, detract somewhat from the latter; after all, I have just used a semi-colon three times and have, as a result, produced a sentence that is eight lines long and still grammatically correct.

I apologize for the complete absence of Arabic numerals in this note; I have dealt with far too many these past nine days as have toiled through financial accounting exam and all the preparation thus warranted, and then proceeded on to review economics and the strange mathematical mix that is MAT133Y1 (ah, it appears I have just broken my own rule, but I have no intention of typing out “em ay tee one three three why one”).

For those of you who have actually bothered to continue reading to this point, you either have a command of the English language far beyond mine (and thus can read this without hint of frustration – the only reason I am able to write this is because of the humour it gives me when I think of certain individuals will begin reading and then promptly switch pages before they ventilate their monitor) or are simply bored out of your mind and driven to the insanity of Facebook procrastination (oh look, another six line sentence). If you fit into either of the two aforementioned categories and are still going to continue to reading, you’re probably wondering what the purpose of this note is. My response is - to quote the Commerce Program Office on about ten-thousand different occasions – “I do not have an answer for you at this time. Please check our website for future updates”.

Ok so maybe it’s to vent my frustration on the combined idiocy of the CPO, Economics department and the Faculty of Arts and Science here at U of T. The game of telephone tag begins like this:

Innis Registrar  CPO  Economics  CPO  Economics (different person this time)  ArtSci  CPO  “I do not have an answer for you at this time. Please check our website for future updates”.

The level of dysfunction (is that really the correct spelling? Apparently the Microsoft dictionary has no great affinity for “disfunction”) at our institution astounds me. All I want to do is take one - allow me to part from commonly accepted academic diction at this time – FUCKING – I shall now return to standard levels of academic snobbery – night course this summer and apparently the whole ECO system in Rotman Commerce has dissolved into anarchy.

Violent frustration and destructive tendencies aside, I suppose there are other reasons for this note’s existence (though none are particularly legitimate). Perhaps, the first and foremost reason for this note is that I genuinely miss writing. I’m making a farce out of “fine writing” at the moment, but nevertheless it is an enjoyable exercise to me. The second reason is simply to procrastinate and “break” from economics, even though I have yet to finish even one full chapter today, and daylight hours will cease in fewer time than it would take suite four-nineteen to return its living quarters to standards that would be approved by the Canadian Health Inspectors (if such an institution really even exists).

I shall now depart, at least semi-permanently, from the standards of “rite reel gud” as defined by Mr. Grant’s English 11 handout (reference entirely not available upon request).

PS: If you were an ESL student reading this in an attempt to improve your writing ability, please incinerate any notes you may have taken and vow to whatever high power your worship that you will never write like this ever for the span of your existence on this planet.

PPS: Yes I’m a cocky little bastard. If I have offended you in any way, shape or form, please take it out on the CPO or whatever University of Toronto administrative post happens to be closest to your current location.

PPPS: This note was in no way intended for you Forsak-ians(People on fRo). I'm just posting it here to extend my procrastination a few seconds longer.

[Apo]

tl;dr

[Dearly Beloved]

O.O

Wow...

Yes, I read the whole thing and my head hurts (its not because of your topic, possibly, but not completely).

But it did intrigue me.. in some ways. Haha. (:

P.S. The best way to express your anger is by writing it down. Well, it seems like it applies to you.

Edited April 23, 2010 by Dearly Beloved

[» Pat]

Hypotaxes ain't nothing to be proud of, son.